


liebesahnung

by 75hearts



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Canon Trans Character, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 20:08:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13771596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/75hearts/pseuds/75hearts
Summary: When she gets out of the tank, she grins. But later that night, she remembers the downsides to having a body. (Barry’s there to make her feel better.)





	liebesahnung

**Author's Note:**

  * For [verdantElf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/verdantElf/gifts).



> this is my taz secret santa gift for @guildedParadox!! i hope they enjoy it.  
> semi inspired by some personal stuff? i dunno. as soon as we got the prompt "blupjeans", this was caught in our head until we got it down. this is our first time posting smutty content publicly so we're a little nervous, but i think it turned out well ^^;  
> thanks to @stonestars for being my beta for this!

Entering her body again felt strange, at once new and familiar. She flexed her fingers, opened her eyes. There was so many little things about having a body that she hadn’t even noticed she missed. Every little move she made, every time she blinked, every time she felt the green goo on her skin, she was experiencing something she hadn’t felt in over a decade, and it felt _good_.

The tank exploded around her, and she came out grinning and very, very naked. She felt alive, because she _was_ . God, she had missed being able to feel things. Her heart beat felt as loud as a bass drum, reverberating through her body. She could _feel_ her blood pumping as it moved around in her veins.

Barry’s face was as red as the robe he offered her. She shrugged it on and cinched it at the waist, and then she looked at Barry, who seemed like he was still vaguely flustered, and decided to make it worse.

“Man, I forgot how good I look.” He smiled, face like a puppy dog, and she couldn’t resist any longer. It had been too long already. “I’m about to smooch your fucking brains out, babe.”

And she did. It was awkward at first, on her end because she hadn’t had a body in twelve years, on his end because he hadn’t kissed her in the same amount of time and despite having known her for over a hundred years he still cannot fully comprehend that Lup is real and loves him back.

That night, as they sat on the couch next to each other, she thought: I have missed this so goddamn much. I have missed sleeping. I have missed being able to touch Barry and to feel him, not just see him next to me and know that I should be able to feel him.

But later, when she was getting ready to bathe, she stripped off the robe and--oh. _Fuck._

She had forgotten, she realized, in the rush of joy that came with having a body. She had forgotten that this was what her body looked like, that it grew from her DNA and not from her years of fixing it.

She looked down and her chest was flat and her dick seemed so _big_ and she was overcome with frustration, with _goddamnit I thought we were done with this_ , with _my brother is the best fucking transmutation wizard there is why am I in this stupid body._

She was not sure how she managed to forget for the whole day. She figured it was probably just being surrounded by Barry and Taako and all of them, calling her 'she' and laughing and talking about how beautiful she was. But now she was naked and there was nobody but herself to see her body and reassure her and she hadn’t faced this in so incredibly long and she hated it, hated it so much.

She took the bath with her eyes closed, splashing water over her face. When she got out of the bath she fell immediately, flat on her face, the slippery floor not exactly conducive to closed eyes. _Nice going, Lulu_ , she told herself, thoughts dripping with bitter sarcasm.

"Are you okay?" And of course, of course Barold was there. He rushed in as soon as he heard the noise.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said with a bit of a smile, looking up at him from her place on the floor. "Just--ow--a bit bruised, I think?"

"Want help?"

"Yes," she said, immediately, and then suddenly regretted it, because she didn’t want him to see her like this.

He saw her hesitation and immediately bent down. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, just--whatever, babe. It's stupid."

"Lup, I've known you for... for longer than a century. For longer than I should probably have been alive. And I love you so much. You can tell me anything."

"I... I don't like people seeing me like... like this, not without preparation. I know you've seen my original body before, but, but, I had... forgotten about it, I guess, today. It had been so long. Until I got in the bath and--I had to see it--and--ugh, fuck." Her cheeks were flaming. She hadn’t talked about this with anyone since Taako and her were tiny kids. It’s been _centuries_.

"It's okay, Lup. Slow down. You know I love you, right? You could look like a tentacle monster and I would still be head over heels."

"I--I know. That's why I said it was stupid."

"It's not stupid. But that doesn't change that... you're beautiful no matter how you look. And no matter what your body is, you're still a girl. You're still my wife."

"Thanks, babe." She looked up, straight into his big dumb face, and kissed him so hard, hard enough to forget.

She broke away with a smile.

"How can I--how can I help?" He looked at her, eyebrows knitting together, so incredibly nervous, and she could not help but feel the urge to kiss him again.

And so she did.

"Is there anything else I can do?"

"Just shut up, okay, babe?"

"...Okay, I can do that." Their kisses weren’t awkward anymore. They had found their rhythm, tongues moving in and out, her hands tangled in his hair. It had been so long since she felt like this. She had almost forgotten how good it was.

"God, I love you so much."

"I love you more."

"Stop being so fucking cute," she hissed, kissing him again to shut him up. She bit his lip when they pull away, and it felt like electric shocks going through his body.

 

It was at times like these that he remembered why he loved her. Or, well, that's not quite accurate. He remembered why he loved her every minute of every day. He was absolutely, hopelessly, head-over-heels for her, and he wouldn't have it any other way. But it was times like these that he couldn’t ignore it even if he tried: it felt like he was just seeing her for the first time again, like they were on the Starblaster and he didn’t know yet that she might like him back. It had been decades and he _still_ couldn’t quite believe that she loved him back. Every square centimeter of his skin that was touching her skin felt like it was on fire.

 

The first time they kissed, he almost passed out, falling over. She was so worried about him, until he managed to explain why--that he just loved her so much and he had imagined this moment so much and now it was here--at which point she laughed at him, before kissing him again and again and again.

"You're going to have this moment again every day for the rest of your life if I have anything to say about it," she had said, and for the most part, she kept her word.

 

She was the one that pulled him into bed. She was still wet from her bath, hair stringy, body damp and mildly bruised from her fall. It got the bed damp-- _we're going to have to change their sheets so they don't get moldy_ , Barry thought, and she saw him thinking about it and said, "Hey, babe? Stop worrying, okay?"

She pulled off his shirt, but didn’t even bother to undo his bluejeans. She knew he would take them off himself, if he wants to.

He smiled. It's been so long. They had both missed her body.

He kissed every part of it, starting at her neck. His tongue circled her nipples, gentle, barely touching, then rougher, almost biting. She gasped in pleasure, and he stopped for a moment, eyes worried. "Is this okay?"

"God, fuck, of course it's okay. _More please_."

He laughed. "Can do." He leaned up, kissed her mouth again. "You're so beautiful, Lup."

She wanted to laugh about it, wanted to make a joke. Instead, she teared up. "You think so, babe?" She was so far from her confidence earlier, the casual pride in her appearance; the bath had drained it from her. She loves her appearance, she really does, it’s just--it had been a while since she had seen her body, really seen it, seen it as it had been before any illusions or transmutation, and it threw her off, threw her back to being a tiny kid, not really knowing anything about herself except that her body felt wrong and she didn’t know how to fix it.

"Yes. Of course. How is that even a question. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, and I still cannot believe you like me back."

"Aw, seriously? That's so sappy, babe. So sappy."

"Lup, we're married."

"Still! You're such a sap!"

He laughed. "Thanks, I... think?"

"You're welcome." A mischievous spark filled her eyes as she grinned, shoving him away suddenly, an idea blossoming in her mind. "Now suck my dick."

 

Barry looked up at her face with utter wonderment. He opened his mouth to respond, but she shook her head. "Nuh-uh. Less talking, bluejeans boy, more doing."

Well, okay. Two could play at that game.

He moved back up to her chest, licking at it, kissing and leaving hickeys. His hands toyed lower down, just barely brushing her cock, drawing designs on it so lightly as to barely be there. If she was going to order him around, he was going to take his sweet, sweet time. He paused, sometimes, looking up at her, and she looked so happy he nearly cried in joy. She had been so upset earlier, and now she was happy, and he had done that. He had made her happy, and if it was just one thousandth of the amount of joy she had brought him, it was enough for him. He moved down painfully slowly, biting at her side, kissing just above her navel.

Eventually, impatient, she grabbed his head. He prepared to be shoved down, but first, she pulled him back up, kissed him once, on the lips. It was a gentle kiss, almost chaste. When they broke away, she breathed, “I love you. So, so much.”

It had been so many years. He was still just as smitten as the day they met.

When she shoved him down, he smiled. “Suck,” she said.

She was only half-hard when he took her into his mouth. And it felt good, of course it did, but it was more than that: here was the thing that made her miserable just minutes before, and it was making her happy. Here was the love of her life worshipping the thing that she once, a long, long time ago, feared would make her undesirable. No matter how many years it had been since you stopped truly believing them, having your childhood insecurities disproven never really stopped feeling triumphant.

She knotted her fingers in his hair, controlling the pace, shuddering in pleasure. Feeling him, moving up and down--seeing him, his eyes adoring, utterly and irrevocably in love--she felt, for just a moment, at home in her skin.

She came suddenly, back arching, gasping for air. “Fuck, Barold! _Fuck_.”

“Did I do good?” he asked, quietly but with a smile in his voice.

“You did so, so good, babe. C'mere.” She patted the pillow next to her. “And take off your sleep jeans. They suck for cuddling.”

“Only for you,” he said, crawling up in the bed and scooting out of his sleep jeans, which Lup grabbed and unceremoniously threw on the floor.

“Thanks, Barry,” she murmured, hands suddenly around him, pulling him close. Her skin was baby-soft against his back, her chest coated with a thin layer of sweat. It was too flat, but she couldn’t bring herself to care anymore, still high off endorphins and love. She ached, still, but in a good way. And the cuddles were comfy, even when her body wasn’t. Barry always made things better. “For everything.”

“Right back atcha, Lup.”

“I love you, babe.”

“I love you too.”

They fell asleep together, their bodies interlocking puzzle pieces that had finally found each other again.


End file.
